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Boundary Magic

Boundaries, Anger, and Agreements If you do not have strong boundaries, you have probably adopted a "soft" negotiating style, in which you value your relationships so much that you find yourself accepting agreements that you can't really live with, and sliding into cycles of avoidance, resentment, and conflict. Alternatively, to protect yourself, you may have become a "hard" negotiator, refusing to compromise your interests for fear of losing yourself in a relationship, and blaming the failure of the resulting bad agreements on your partner. The secret to negotiating agreements both parties can keep is to separate being generous in maintaining the relationship (through kindness, respect,