Recently, I've been doing some powerful magical work (with some trepidation) on shattering my illusions. The magic shattering my illusions all right, and now I'm asking myself, "Now what?"
Here's the answer I've come up with on this New Year's Day...
"Take a good look around at the shards of your self-deception, and set about recreating your life. Again. With the intention that this time the creation process will be more conscious and more connected to God Soul. Again. With a greater level of self-Mastery. Again."
Surrounded by the shards of the mirror of illusions, I hold up a less distorted mirror, asking the hard questions of myself, such as: "They say it takes 5:1 positive messages to sustain a life partnership. What would your partner say your ratio was in 2014?"
I've been upset when I've received negative messages like these from my partner, but now I realize I've been sending them myself:
1. Not showing up for something partner was looking forward to.
2. Not responding to a bid for attention or offer of shared time together.
3. Pointing out problems around the house.
4. Making negative comments about friends, kids, and family members.
5. Not suggesting shared activities while making individual plans.
6. Making exasperated noises as if partner is in the way.
7. Not cleaning up after yourself, or taking full responsibility for your pets, children, or expenses.
8. Showing up late for dinner or other appointments without notice.
9. Criticizing partner's hair, clothes, body, politics, religion, values, etc.
10. Taking partner's efforts for granted or telling them what to do.
11. Paying more attention to your phone, laptop, TV, pets, or projects than your partner.
12. Letting your self-talk take you into a funk and shut partner out
13. Threatening to leave
I've been looking for positive messages like these from my partner, and now I realize I haven't been consistently sending them myself:
1. Eye contact, holding hands, kisses, hugs, dancing, lovemaking -- letting them know they're your lover, not a roommate or an employee.
2. Romantic evenings together eating, chatting, listening to music.
3. Little gifts, cards, notes, flowers, text messages, special foods.
4. Compliments on their appearance, efforts, work.
5. Making plans for the future that include them (and including them in making the plans).
6. Being considerate of partner's needs for sleep, work space, special foods, etc.
7. Noticing where partner is and how they're feeling (including "good morning, welcome home, leaving the porch light on, are you ok?")
8. Offering help when they need it and appreciating their help. Sharing.
9. Showering, working out, and dressing up for them.
10. Showing an interest in their dreams and helping them realize them.
11. Being really present -- listening, delighting in their company, holding them while they cry.
12. Taking responsibility for bringing yourself out of a funk, giving partner benefit of the doubt, and choosing to reconnect
13. Expressing commitment
self-Mastery involves developing an objective view of yourself -- and taking responsibility for how you are showing up in your intimate relationships. Although it may sound like magic focused on yourself is self-centered, self-Mastery is the opposite of being self-centered! It allows you to deal with your own "stuff" so you can be truly present and conscious for others. If I've been projecting an illusion that I've already attained self-Mastery, I'm coming clean... I am on the road to self-Mastery, taking one step at a time, with the help of the gods.
Take the 5:1 positive message pledge with me for 2015...
...and take the magic into the really hard crucible of daily life. It's easy to dream of a new way of working in sacred space in the woods somewhere, and (relatively) easy even to create it there. I've been inspired by it for decades. But doing it in your home day after day, year after year with your partner and children and money stresses and childhood issues requires a whole new level of integrity. I like to think I'd be "there" by now, but the objective truth is I'm still the Fool. Or the Phoenix. Starting over one more time.
Take the 5:1 positive message pledge with me for 2015...
...and let me know you're doing it, too, so our magic can vibrate together and we can give each other the strength to be the change we want to see in the world, even after our illusions are shattered and we find ourselves (literally) "dis-illusioned."
Love and Magic,
WildCat
www.wildcatmagic.org
P.S. registration closes for the next self-Mastery training Saturday, Jan 3. I would be honored if you choose to join us.